butterhawk

Can't stand the heat?

2008-07-29T21:06:33Z

Summer is utter crap!

Anyone who claims to like this weather is a liar and a fraud!

FIC: What if 2 (Le Chiffre/And oh so little Bond)

2008-07-07T14:24:03Z

Title: What if
Fandom: Casino Royale
Pairing: Le Chiffre/ and a little Bond
Summary: Brooding Le Chiffre.
Disclaimer: I don't own this character, Ian Fleming and MGM do, I make no money writing this, don't sue my skinny ass :(
(Once again, english is not my native tongue)

This seemed like one of those days you just wanted to loaf around in your bathrobe, doing absolutely nothing, but unfortunately for Le Chiffre, giving in to his urge was just a nono.

Still, he could not help but wonder, while he was lying flat on his back, eyes fixed upon a small crack in the ceiling, What would they do if I didn't show up at the appointed time? Call him, probably, storm his hotel-room, guns blazing! He gave a slight chuckle, that would be a sight indeed.

He sighed and sat up, his feet touching the thick silky rug, feeling somewhat unreal. When he turned the lights on it didn't look as warm as he wanted, instead it filled the room with a cold eerie glow, making him sigh once again.

So it was going to be one of those days instead.

It seemed he had lots of those lately and maybe it was his own fault, but then again, maybe it wasn't? He was getting sick of his own situation, the life he was living. Lately, it seemed it wasn't his life at all, like all he did was just following the flow, doing the will of others.

When did that happen?

At first he had thought that he could go his own way, that the cash-flow would be never-ending, but somewhere along the way he became a puppet, just like everyone else, and not the master. He wanted out.

He slid out of his silk boxers, letting them pool around his ankles before stepping out of them and into the shower. He was one of them who didn't like the water to be boiling hot, didn't like the water to hammer down his back, but then again, he didn't like it cold either and turned the heat up somewhat.

Out. Was that ever possible anymore?

One night earlier, high on benzedrine and alcohol, he had figured out a plan, or at least that's what he thought. Sober and fully awake, the idea didn't seem that.. grand anymore. And the clock was ticking. He felt his vision swirl and he had to reach for the wall just to gain some balance.

He had nowhere to go, no one to turn to. And realization was filling him with dread, threatened to choke him. He stared at his feet, watching a drop of blood fall from his face. When did everything get so hard?

With a towel around his slender hips he first stalked the room, turning one way, then the other, his expensive double-breasted suite was hanging inside the closet, waiting for him. He would feel better when he put it on, like it was his armor, he knew this but he kept stalling.

A knock on the door felt like a fist in his stomach and he touched his forehead with his fingertips, breathing hard.

"One second please. Im indecent.."

"Roomservice."

"Oh.." Funny, he didn't remember ordering anything. He looked around for some kind of weapon, having his gun in his briefcase under his bed.

Come now, its a bit of a cliché don't you think? People only dress up like the roomservice in movies, bad movies. Open the door.

And so he did.

The gun against his chest made him laugh, one of them short -You-got-to-be-kidding-me ones. He licked his lips, shaked his head, making the wet hair dance on his head.

"Mr Bond. I would raise my hands in sweet surrender, but then again.." He glanced down towards his bathtowel.

Bond quirked an eyebrow.

"So why don't you?.."

Woot?

2008-06-19T15:54:18Z

"Others see you as someone they should "handle with care." You're seen as vain, self-centered, and extremely dominant. Others may admire you, wishing they could be more like you. However, they don't always trust you, hesitating to become too deeply involved with you."

Could that be true? Am I like that?
Dr Phil you suck! :(

Silly stuff.

2008-06-15T20:50:14Z

Fandom: Casino Royale
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: None, Le chiffre dances with no one ;)
Summary: Le Chiffre is feeling silly
Disclaimer: I don't own this character, Ian Fleming and MGM do, I make no money writing this, don't sue my skinny ass :(

Le Chiffre has never been a dancer, fact is, he still isn't.

It has something to do with his hips and his feet, he can never relax enough not to look stiff and odd moving around on the dancefloor, he even once heard someone saying "It looks like he has something shoved up his petite ass of his."

But today, tonight, was different. He was drunk and just a wee little bit silly. Or maybe even very, very silly. A sly smirk covers that little mouth of his, his hips are moving and soon his shoulders are too.

Its slow at first, almost sensual.
He has a glas of red wine in one hand and his tie in the other, he's shoes have been kicked off and he's moving barefoot to the conga. The conga of all songs! And he likes it, it makes him almost giggle with delight, makes things seem softer.

How wonderful it is to not have to worry, even if it is for only a few minutes. Sometimes, when he is alone like this, he can imagine, he can say the words; What if? What if his life had taken an other turn? What if he could leave it all, where would he go? What if he could clean up this mess?
But he can't. He just knows it, like its fate. And one can't run from fate, right?

The congo stops only to be replaced by something similar. Le Chiffre stops moving as well. Its like the room is suddenly brighter, like he suddenly sobered up. He glances around in the expensive hotel room, at the sweet-smelling flowers near the door, his inhaler lying close to the vase, full of benzedrine. He licks his lips, feeling like one of Pavlov's dogs and turns away.

Fate. There it was again. He has a bad feeling about all this, about the poker-game. But he knows its his last chance to get back that large sum of money without complications. He knows he's running out of time. Yet he cannot stop but thinking; What if? He allows himself to search his mind for just a few precious seconds. If he gave up, if he turned himself in, what could he say to make them spare him? And by them he means the M16, he is not yet so far gone that he believes they aren't coming, that Bond isn't coming.

The sofa makes soft sounds when he sits down and lifts up his small delicate naked feet, when he puts down his wineglass and wriggles with his toes. Its all bullshit, its all make-believe. He's fucked and he knows it. Think you idiot, think! How will you use this to your advantage? He's almost shaking when he's reaching for his inhalator, exhales and inhales deeply when the mouth-piece is between his lips. He holds his breath, closes his eyes and feels it swirling down, doing its sweet job, and just like that he's at ease. He knows what to do.

Maybe one can change fate after all?

Charlie the Unicorn!

2008-06-12T21:39:12Z

Why oh why can't I get that song out of my head?

butterhawk @ 2008-06-04T12:43:00

2008-06-04T10:48:09Z

Lets see, here's the big problem, loose particles, also called cystals, rubbing around the wrong way. Do you know the best way to get healthy again? Tossing my head around, making me even more dizzy, thats supposed to get my balance back in check. Sounds like its a good idea I don't eat for some time..

Here its goes again.

2008-06-03T13:24:19Z

Turns out its not the sun causing me to feel sick and dizzy, after 4 days without it going away, I went to the emergency today. Turns out it has something to do with my ears, some crystals rubbing hairs the wrong way, and its going to get better, hopefully, in about a week or two.

Great.

Why the hell does weird shit like this happen to me all the time? And what am I suppose to do now? Vomit for 7 more days until hopefully it goes away? My whole world is spinning, I can hardly sleep.

This sucks.

Here comes the summer sun.

2008-06-02T08:35:59Z

People that says that Sweden is a cold country, really don't know what they are talking about.
I have to sit in my panties while playing in front of the computer for crying out loud!
And this with my window open and the ceiling fan on!

I hate this heat! Its unbearable! It makes me slow and nauseous! And all this water drinking makes me run to the loo! >.< I'm a viking! Vikings don't do heat! Give me cold weather and some fur to cover myself in and I'll be all peachy!

I'm sweating like a monkey.

Crap..

2008-06-01T10:56:28Z

It seems like the shit has hit the fan, basicly.
Everything seems to slowly be moving towards the
fact that I have to tell my parents about not being
in that class I've told them I've been in the last few
weeks. And all because of that.. things that happened
on wednesday. Everyone is talking about sueing.

So that little pain in my stomach is telling me that this is the end, I cannot go on with this lie of mine and I know I have to tell them, probably today, so I don't want to go home.

I'm scared about what will happen, how angry they will get about me failing once again. I'm thinking about saying that it was this monday I got expelled, and that i've been thinking about going on as nothing happened and lie, but that I know that I cannot etc etc, so maybe that will make them think that I did.. good? I don't know. I feel real shit at the moment.

And I don't know what I think about all this. Do I want to sue her ass? Maybe. I did feel horribly shit after she said all those things. But then again, im quite the pussy sometimes, I'm scared about what will happen afterwards. Will I have to meet them? Will they be angry etc. I don't always like people being angry at me. It's true. Behind this hardass attitude, i'm kind of weak it seems. Might be because they are grown-ups and I don't consider myself one yet.

I want Bill to hug me and comfort me, but he's busy infront of the computer, and I don't really have anyone else to turn to for comfort. Bah, silly me. It will work out fine I guess. But why does my stomach tell me it won't?

I am not happy.

2008-05-29T22:39:53Z

The raid is long over, still he's sitting in front of that computer.
I need a new boyfriend, anyone applying for the job?

No? I'm gonna go and have some "alone-time" with a picture of Mads Mikkelsen then.

Im bored

2008-05-29T16:59:15Z

It is funny how I always seem to slip back to these two.
No matter how much slashes I read, adore and save, I never seem to grow
bored over these two, so when I can't find anything to entertain myself with
I rush off in search for something new to be read.

Aren't they cute? ;) :3

Today is a slow day. I went over to my boyfriends house.. boyfriends seems so silly to write :s I suddenly started thinking.. should I call him something else? Should I write his name? :O Who knows. Besides, if I called him my lover, then typing his name will be silly, because: My lover Bill, sounds Oh so un-romatic.
Anyhow! Im at Bills house! Or rather all the boys that lives here -house. And I figured we might do something tonight. Something cosy since yesterday sucked so hard. But Bill has decided to raid. Anyone else has a boyfriend who plays WoW? : / I know, I know, I should not complain, I used to play WoW too. For 2 years. But i've gotten over it. Its just not fun. I can now even say that I was addicted, I didn't realize it until recently. But that was not what I was about to complain about! Truth is, ive forgotten what I was about to complain about. Meh.

I wish Andreas would come on home and play with us! These boys are just no fun!
Robin got angry because I asked him nicely not to have his smelly, bare feet on the pillows on the couch. I kid you not, those feet are the nastiest! And that he hardly showers doesn't really help : / He's like a big baby, he needs someone to make sure he takes care of his hygiene, doesn't buy candy all day long, does what he needs to do etc. And he's 24 years old. Stupid ass fuck. He makes me all cranky just thinking about him atm! >.< But that might be Bills fault.
"It will only take 4 hours.." 4 fucking hours?! What am I supposed to do in the meantime? Its not like they have a tv to use... Blah!!

Got it!

2008-05-29T09:50:39Z

Aha! finally some gold after a long treasurehunt! Check this out:
www.waxjism.org/gm/bond/casino-doingdouble.shtml

I have to go study HTML-codes -.-

Sexy Boy

2008-05-29T09:22:39Z

Oh yeah baby!

Le Chiffre

2008-05-28T22:48:06Z

This has been such a poopy day! >.<
First my poopy mood and the poopy sun, then the poopy brainshrinker,
poopy prices etc.
And I've only found about 2 slashes about Bond/Le Chiffre worth mentioning : /
I'm surprised it isn't more. So im thinking about going to bed. Nothing to do up anyway.
Poo!

Oh oh oh! Check out policepenguin, Suck on it. Its good X3 Nighty!

butterhawk @ 2008-05-28T15:00:00

2008-05-28T13:12:50Z

What the fucking hell?!

I went to se my psychologist today, like I always do on wednesdays, its part of
my rehab,talk about my past, about what I want to do with my life yada yada, and today
I heard something aboutmyself I didn't know.
Apparently I send dirty emails to the others in that rehab-group i'm in. I talk dirty to them and I even
heard something about me sexually harrasing the females O.O Where the hell did that come from?
Apparently thats whats my instructor is telling my psychologist, so I had to sit and
listen to her asking me, nay, rather accusing me for being a perverted girl, asking me why the hell
I was doing that, how much I ruined for myself by doing it.
Saying I haven't done it didn't mean shit. If my instructor says I have then apparently I have.
Funny thing is, I apparently sent those dirty mails by a web-community I didn't even know could send emails.
"If its true that you haven't done it, or if you cannot remember doing it, know that its wrong and a cry for help, only a sick person would do this"
Yeah...

And thats how a crappy day got even shittier.
And now my instructor called, and she claims she never said such a horrible, horrible thing! :O
Yeah milk it a bit more you fucking twat.
And these people is supposed to make me healthy and sane.

Silly shit

2008-05-28T07:49:07Z

01:00 in the morning I realize that Lula: sexy empire, is not as fun as I remembered.

And this after gotten bitten by my dog in the fucking elbow of all the places! Poor bastard got scared when some loose dog came running up to us and wanted to play. I hate people letting their dogs go about like that when they don't have not diciplined it enough. So here I am, with a big bitemark which did bleed a bit yesterday : / and hurts today.

I also realized that I don't mind writing personal stuff about myself to people I don't know, hell, I can even be open about my sexual abuse, but when people I know read this journal, it feels a bit oogie. I made a picture for a friend of mine, and the way to access it didn't work for him, so I told him to come here since I know the link here works. But then I started thinking; What if he reads this? What will he think of me?! But Andreas is quite the horndog himself, so who is he to cast the first stone? ;)

Im also trying to get my Ipod working, but it seems to be fixed on hating me. It hardly doesn't want to get fired up with some nice electrical juice anymore -.- Seems its playing on it last tune. Or maybe not. Think I fixed it. Hell yeah! Im a technical little thing! /flex

Got a bunch of stuff to do today when all I want to do is sleep. I have to find some Bond and le Chiffre action when I get back home!
Yus!

butterhawk @ 2008-05-27T10:32:00

2008-05-27T08:40:09Z

It seems my quest for the Lula games has taken me on a crazy ride through the internet. The file I spent hours downloading was of course, nothing but a sham, I feel soo used :´(

And the only games I seem to get my greedy little hands on is the german one. I don't understand german, hardly at all. And who the hell wants to play an "erotic" game on german? Thats just sick! Like germandubbed porn, Oh I cannot listen!! >.<

But anyway, seems I cannot even find the old game, or maybe im just looking at the wrong places. Could be indeed.
ZE QUEST MUST GO ON!!

trojanfightclub -Has a fun rant about Le Chiffre X3 Not what I was looking for, but entertaining nontheless. I never thought about a Bond/Le Chiffre slash before. Why have I not thought about that? >.<
I have a new quest!

Writer's Block: For the Day Off...

2008-05-26T21:07:43Z

If you've got Monday off, how are you spending it, and with whom?

View 500 Answers

Im spending it at my friends house, where my three friends live, and my boyfriend. He is sleeping on their couch and so he has been for.. I dunno.. over a year? -.-;; He's supposed to be studying, but instead he's playing Company of heroes, and laughing the night away. And im horny. Im horny as hell with no real place to fuck.

It seems that over the past few months i've gotten more and more fed up with our situation. Im living at home for crying out loud and I have no job! And my guy has turned me into some sex-freak, i never liked sex before we started going out -.-;;

So yes, my monday suck! Its either too hot or too cold. Its either jucky water och jucky Cola. What the hell is a girl to do?

And the Lola 3D game is taking HOURS to download, hours! I thought it would take a couple of minutes tops!

This sucks.